Your Story Is Not Over

This morning, my morning devotional had this quote:

Your Story Is Not Over.

I am grateful that when I feel like my cards or down and my energy is depleted - like it has been today - that God sends me a message to remind me that everything will be okay.

Today has been a weepy one. It's a COVID-day, as I've coined them. It's a day when the walls feel like they are closing in and all I wish for is sunshine, warm temperatures, hope that everything will be okay, and a room that is empty with sunshine pouring inside where I can lie in silence for a little while.

Some of this I can achieve through meditation, visualization, and prayer, but one thing I cannot change right now is the state of living with and accepting virtual school days, feeling locked down without freedoms we grew to love, and trying to figure out how to serve God with my blend of experiences and talents.

It's exhausting trying to figure out what my calling is right now.

I have wonderful friends that remind me that being my boys' mother is all I need to be right now and while I agree, I feel an unspoken and seriously unclear nudge to do more: for my family, for my community and world, and yes, myself.  

Daily, I pray that my calling and purpose will be revealed. Why is this still such a struggle?

When I think I've hit upon something, a roadblock - figuratively or literally - and brings the productivity, creativity, or sense of forward momentum to a halt.

Friends, I am finding this SO exhausting. It sounds like a first-world problem, but what it is for me is a bit of a spiritual crisis. Never, ever have I felt so connected to my faith and connection to the Holy Trinity, and yet, I'm in a waiting period that feels like a roller coaster in a dream - the one you cannot get off and would do anything to get off to be grounded.

I guess God is trying to send me a message today to trust in him. To know that my story isn't over and that this struggle is just a part of it.

One thing I can say with great joy and euphoria is that I continue to choose to be alcohol-free and I'm just past five weeks. From that standpoint, I have not felt this good physically since I was a teenager…and that is a part of my story that isn't over.

For all the Moms out there - know that I see you and for all of our days that are wins and those that can feel like losses, we are doing meaningful work - paid and unpaid - to help shape our children and families. Motherhood is a HOLY calling and it’s a YES that will give us inexplicable reward that cannot be monetized or promoted.

Moms. I see you. I’m with you.

Thank God for his grace and the truth that our story isn't over. I challenge us to believe that maybe it's just beginning.

Maybe the reality is this: we're just getting started.